1 00:00:04,121 --> 00:00:06,130 (theme music playing) 2 00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:19,342 Okay. Ready for the next one. Okay. 3 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:22,763 Who did President John F. Kennedy appoint as Secretary of Defense? 4 00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:25,098 Um, one of his brothers? 5 00:00:25,175 --> 00:00:27,601 No, that was Attorney General. I'll give you a hint. 6 00:00:27,677 --> 00:00:29,945 The beginning of his last name sounds like your uncle's. 7 00:00:30,022 --> 00:00:32,898 Mac... MacNamara. 8 00:00:32,974 --> 00:00:34,324 Robert MacNamara. 9 00:00:35,435 --> 00:00:37,578 You see that girl, America? 10 00:00:37,654 --> 00:00:39,946 Hard working, studious. 11 00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:42,449 Terry's daddy sure is a lucky man. 12 00:00:42,526 --> 00:00:44,534 All the qualities you want in a daughter, 13 00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:46,787 so that's why I like Nessa being her friend. 14 00:00:46,863 --> 00:00:49,081 I'm hoping some of that goodness will rub off on her, 15 00:00:49,157 --> 00:00:52,417 help Nessa stay on the straight and narrow. 16 00:00:52,494 --> 00:00:53,660 She good people. 17 00:00:53,737 --> 00:00:55,295 That Terry-- she going to be something. 18 00:00:55,372 --> 00:00:57,923 TERRY: After this, want to go smoke? I've got some cloves. 19 00:00:57,999 --> 00:00:59,966 VANESSA: No, thanks-- last time I tried, 20 00:01:00,043 --> 00:01:02,803 I got sick for six hours straight. 21 00:01:02,879 --> 00:01:04,304 I remember that! 22 00:01:04,315 --> 00:01:07,099 Said she had food poisoning! 23 00:01:07,175 --> 00:01:10,069 Even blamed my fish sticks! 24 00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:12,738 Can't believe that doggone Terry. 25 00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:15,857 Smoking! 26 00:01:15,934 --> 00:01:18,902 If a kid like that up to no good, 27 00:01:18,979 --> 00:01:20,537 I'm in deep... 28 00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:24,116 You know. 29 00:01:24,192 --> 00:01:26,210 Vanessa's a good kid. 30 00:01:26,286 --> 00:01:28,036 Yeah, we thought Terry was, too. 31 00:01:28,113 --> 00:01:30,747 Vanessa's not Terry. 32 00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:32,999 Wanda, what we know about Nessa, seriously? 33 00:01:33,076 --> 00:01:36,220 She's so secretive, always hanging out in her room and everything. 34 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:37,921 As far as we know, she could be getting 35 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:41,383 some piercing or having relations. 36 00:01:41,459 --> 00:01:43,677 Vanessa's not getting anything pierced. 37 00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:47,347 I didn't ask you that. What'd you ask me? 38 00:01:47,424 --> 00:01:48,890 I said maybe she could be doing that. 39 00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:50,100 Do you think she's having relations? 40 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:52,269 No, I don't. Okay, look at you. 41 00:01:52,345 --> 00:01:54,146 Instead of getting yourself all worked up, 42 00:01:54,222 --> 00:01:55,355 why don't you spend some time with her, 43 00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:58,033 see what's going on in her life? 44 00:01:58,110 --> 00:02:00,944 Yeah. You know, I know how to find things out. 45 00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:04,072 You know, I've got a way of making people talk. No, not like that. 46 00:02:04,149 --> 00:02:06,032 See, you can't go charging at her, okay? 47 00:02:06,109 --> 00:02:07,951 All she's going to do is just clam up. 48 00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,796 Come on, honey, be gentle. 49 00:02:14,075 --> 00:02:17,919 (laughter) And then Jacob threw up and got a time out. 50 00:02:17,996 --> 00:02:19,555 That's a brilliant story, baby girl. 51 00:02:19,631 --> 00:02:21,756 Nessa, what's going on with you? Anything you want to talk about? 52 00:02:21,833 --> 00:02:24,560 Today in school, we got letters from our Russian pen pals. 53 00:02:24,636 --> 00:02:25,561 Your name Nessa? 54 00:02:27,114 --> 00:02:29,565 Like I was saying, Nessa, anything going on, anything? 55 00:02:29,641 --> 00:02:32,142 No. Come on, you mean to tell me you're in school all day, 56 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:33,810 and there ain't nothing going on? 57 00:02:33,887 --> 00:02:35,687 When I was your age, girl, when I was in school, man, 58 00:02:35,764 --> 00:02:37,480 all the drama. Am I right, baby? Mm-hm. 59 00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,441 Aunt Wanda, can you give me a picture of you? 60 00:02:39,517 --> 00:02:41,151 Boris sent a picture of his mom. 61 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,820 Sure, sweetie. How's Terry, Nessa? 62 00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,947 Oh, she's fine. BERNIE: Is she? 63 00:02:46,024 --> 00:02:47,991 Uh... 64 00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,993 Why is she in her underwear? 65 00:02:50,070 --> 00:02:51,244 Because she's Russian, stupid. 66 00:02:51,255 --> 00:02:53,914 I'll take that. Ooh. 67 00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,707 Um, may I be excused? 68 00:02:55,784 --> 00:02:57,334 W-Why so soon, Nessa? 69 00:02:57,410 --> 00:02:59,252 Come on, I thought maybe we'd talk and have sundaes. 70 00:02:59,263 --> 00:03:02,222 I have a test tomorrow. 71 00:03:03,133 --> 00:03:04,507 JORDAN: So Aunt Wanda, do you know 72 00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:06,176 any good men-- Boris writes that his mom 73 00:03:06,253 --> 00:03:07,802 is single and willing to relocate. 74 00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:09,897 I'll ask around. 75 00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:12,933 Can I see that letter? 76 00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:14,684 (circkets chirping) 77 00:03:14,761 --> 00:03:16,228 Honey, I thought you might... Shh, shh! 78 00:03:16,304 --> 00:03:17,562 What you doing? 79 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,323 Listening to Nessa's conversation. 80 00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:21,691 Baby, they are cruel. 81 00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,194 Mr. Conner can't help he got a bad toupee. 82 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,070 NESSA: I'm on the phone! 83 00:03:25,146 --> 00:03:27,030 Oh, I'm sorry! 84 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,958 Dang, girl, you almost got me caught. 85 00:03:32,737 --> 00:03:33,703 What? 86 00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,205 You told me to try to get to know her. 87 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:36,790 I didn't tell you to spy on her. 88 00:03:36,866 --> 00:03:39,042 Well, I tried the normal way, and she stonewalled me. 89 00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:40,285 She gave me absolutely nothing. 90 00:03:40,362 --> 00:03:42,420 What do you expect? She's 15. 91 00:03:42,497 --> 00:03:43,546 Well, she can articulate better than that. 92 00:03:43,623 --> 00:03:45,131 Come on, quit cosigning for her. 93 00:03:45,208 --> 00:03:47,175 Honey, don't do it like this. 94 00:03:47,252 --> 00:03:49,970 Okay? Just be gentle. 95 00:03:50,046 --> 00:03:52,430 Sip your wine. Yeah. 96 00:03:52,507 --> 00:03:56,101 I just want to know she ain't up to no good, America. 97 00:03:56,177 --> 00:03:58,362 She ain't say anything to you, did she? 98 00:03:58,805 --> 00:03:59,729 Huh? 99 00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:02,107 (class bell ringing) 100 00:04:02,183 --> 00:04:03,733 Any of you guys want to hit up City Walk? 101 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,735 My cousin works the counter at Johnny Rockets. 102 00:04:05,812 --> 00:04:09,331 Vanessa? Uh, I would, but I don't have a ride home. 103 00:04:09,408 --> 00:04:10,865 I'll take you home. 104 00:04:10,942 --> 00:04:13,285 How? You only have your learner's permit. 105 00:04:13,361 --> 00:04:15,245 What, you don't think I'll get you home safely? 106 00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,414 BERNIE: I bet you I can get her home safely. 107 00:04:17,490 --> 00:04:19,708 I bet you that, boy. 108 00:04:19,784 --> 00:04:21,501 Why are you here? 109 00:04:21,578 --> 00:04:25,514 Baby, I thought me and you could do something together... alone. 110 00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:28,850 Hey, Bernie Mac, what's up? 111 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,728 Come on, Nessa, let's go. 112 00:04:34,883 --> 00:04:37,734 Oh, you going to look real pretty later on 113 00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,395 when you start smoking through your throat with that big ol' hole. 114 00:04:40,472 --> 00:04:43,064 When you try to talk, you got that microphone up in there. 115 00:04:43,141 --> 00:04:44,566 You'll see. 116 00:04:44,642 --> 00:04:46,609 What's happening with our kids, America? 117 00:04:46,686 --> 00:04:49,154 Look at that ratty-looking boy with the matted hair. 118 00:04:49,230 --> 00:04:50,864 And look at that girl wearing those jeans, 119 00:04:50,874 --> 00:04:52,198 showing off all her assets. 120 00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:54,534 And who's that thug pawing on Nessa? 121 00:04:54,611 --> 00:04:57,370 These are the kids she hang out with, I'm telling you. 122 00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:59,831 I'm not liking what I'm finding out, America. 123 00:04:59,908 --> 00:05:01,800 I'm not liking it at all. 124 00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:06,129 (drops bag) 125 00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,016 (down-tempo music playing) 126 00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:13,061 No way! 127 00:05:17,467 --> 00:05:18,859 Hey, what you doing in my desk? 128 00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:20,610 What were you doing under my mattress? 129 00:05:20,687 --> 00:05:22,520 You watch your tone with me, Nessa. 130 00:05:22,597 --> 00:05:23,855 I can't believe you. 131 00:05:23,932 --> 00:05:25,607 Hey, hey, hey, what's all the fussing about? 132 00:05:25,683 --> 00:05:29,235 He read my diary. You did that? 133 00:05:29,312 --> 00:05:33,281 Well, if she won't talk to me, I'll find out what she's talking about to herself. 134 00:05:33,358 --> 00:05:35,158 Besides, I'm the one that should be upset. 135 00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:37,243 Look at what you're making me do in order to be a good parent. 136 00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,579 But you're invading my privacy like it's nothing. 137 00:05:39,656 --> 00:05:42,382 You're 15 years old. You ain't got no privacy. 138 00:05:42,459 --> 00:05:44,167 This is so unfair. 139 00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:45,877 Write it down in your diary 140 00:05:45,954 --> 00:05:47,971 with all your other thoughts so I can read about it later. 141 00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:50,215 Sorry, Nessa. Ain't no sorry. 142 00:05:50,291 --> 00:05:53,810 I don't care. If you ain't with me, baby, you against me. 143 00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:56,897 Ooh. 144 00:06:00,635 --> 00:06:03,061 (door slams) Slam the door again, see what happen to you! 145 00:06:03,138 --> 00:06:05,614 Just go on and slam it! 146 00:06:06,975 --> 00:06:08,116 She be lucky I care. 147 00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,943 Hey, I don't know, man. 148 00:06:10,019 --> 00:06:11,820 Come on, you-you read her diary. 149 00:06:11,896 --> 00:06:14,197 She's 15, man-- how you... how you expect her to act? 150 00:06:14,274 --> 00:06:16,875 Mute and obedient, that's what I expect. 151 00:06:16,952 --> 00:06:18,243 Besides, I'm a parent. 152 00:06:18,319 --> 00:06:19,661 I got the right to know what's going on 153 00:06:19,737 --> 00:06:22,580 with my kids in my house. That's my right. 154 00:06:22,657 --> 00:06:24,508 If most parents spent the time and the interest 155 00:06:24,584 --> 00:06:26,760 in their kids, world'd be a better place. 156 00:06:26,837 --> 00:06:28,211 Yeah, Bernie Mac don't lie. 157 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,046 Look, if Vanessa wasn't doing nothing wrong, 158 00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:31,890 then that diary wouldn't need no lock. 159 00:06:31,967 --> 00:06:35,093 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, no, hold up, you broke the lock? Yeah, you right. 160 00:06:35,170 --> 00:06:36,678 (laughing) What?! 161 00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:40,181 No, no, I didn't. It popped right off. Come on. 162 00:06:40,258 --> 00:06:42,434 It popped... it popped right off. Come on, man, now, 163 00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:45,520 you should do what we did, man. Get yourself a nanny cam. 164 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:48,273 You got a nanny cam? Yeah, man. Well, you know, the kids 165 00:06:48,349 --> 00:06:49,941 were always complaining about the baby-sitter, 166 00:06:50,018 --> 00:06:51,609 and the baby- sitter was always complaining about the kids, 167 00:06:51,686 --> 00:06:53,903 and Rosie worried, so, you know, we thought we'd see. 168 00:06:53,980 --> 00:06:55,947 What did you find out? Yeah? 169 00:06:56,024 --> 00:06:58,992 That my kids are animals, man. 170 00:06:59,068 --> 00:07:00,544 Oh, man, I could've told you that. 171 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:02,287 Yeah, you don't need no nanny cam for that. 172 00:07:02,363 --> 00:07:04,071 They wild, right? They wild. 173 00:07:04,049 --> 00:07:05,957 Come on, get wild on this right here. Yeah, they're my kids. 174 00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:07,959 (giggling) 175 00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:11,629 Oh, he just walked in. I'll call you back. 176 00:07:11,706 --> 00:07:13,006 Who was that? No one. 177 00:07:13,082 --> 00:07:16,226 No one got a name? It was Terry, all right? 178 00:07:21,316 --> 00:07:23,183 (phone keys beeping) 179 00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:24,818 (line ringing) 180 00:07:26,721 --> 00:07:27,812 BOY (on phone): What's up, Boo,? He gone? 181 00:07:27,823 --> 00:07:28,938 No, he's on the phone. 182 00:07:29,015 --> 00:07:30,315 What's your name, Boo? 183 00:07:30,391 --> 00:07:32,659 (phone clicks, dial tone) 184 00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:37,322 That girl lied to me right to my face! 185 00:07:37,398 --> 00:07:40,200 Of course, unless Terry's up to a carton a day, 186 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:41,618 that wasn't her. 187 00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:43,912 If she's lying to me about this, America, 188 00:07:43,988 --> 00:07:45,955 what else she lying to me about? 189 00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:49,000 Trying to play me, the Mac man. 190 00:07:49,077 --> 00:07:52,045 Well, I guess I got no choice, America. 191 00:07:52,121 --> 00:07:55,182 It's time for me to get my sneak on. 192 00:07:56,251 --> 00:07:57,717 (music playing) 193 00:07:57,794 --> 00:07:59,895 Wow, look at this here. 194 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,848 Man, this place is a trip. 195 00:08:03,859 --> 00:08:07,101 Shoot, I didn't know half this stuff here existed, man. 196 00:08:07,178 --> 00:08:08,987 I know. If you did, I'd be out of business. 197 00:08:09,064 --> 00:08:13,024 Wow. Well, you know, right here, this some bull here. 198 00:08:13,101 --> 00:08:15,193 $30 for a pop? 199 00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:18,112 (scoffs) Looks can be deceiving. 200 00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,656 Actually, you put your jewelry in there. 201 00:08:19,732 --> 00:08:22,492 Man, that's nice. That's real nice. 202 00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:24,118 Next level. 203 00:08:24,129 --> 00:08:26,496 And this here? What's this? 204 00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:27,997 Oh, that's a recording device. 205 00:08:28,074 --> 00:08:29,674 You're kidding. Mm-hm. 206 00:08:30,285 --> 00:08:31,709 And this? 207 00:08:31,786 --> 00:08:32,594 That's a mug. 208 00:08:33,913 --> 00:08:35,046 What you bumping, man? 209 00:08:35,123 --> 00:08:37,423 Gin and juice. You know it. 210 00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:40,134 Wow, man, this is... what kind of customers 211 00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,053 you be dealing with, man, Inspector Gadget? 212 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:44,222 Wha-What's this here? No, actually I got customers like yourself, 213 00:08:44,299 --> 00:08:45,598 you know, thinking that their partners 214 00:08:45,675 --> 00:08:47,225 be skimming a little off the top, 215 00:08:47,302 --> 00:08:49,002 or perhaps they wives be cheating on 'em, 216 00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:51,771 or maybe the feds be bugging their pad, you know what I mean? 217 00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:54,274 Look here, I don't want to sound like no L-7, or nothing like that, 218 00:08:54,350 --> 00:08:56,434 but you carry a nanny cam? 219 00:08:56,511 --> 00:08:58,611 Look, ain't nothing wrong with protecting our youth, you know what I'm saying? 220 00:08:58,688 --> 00:09:00,163 There's a lot of crazies out there. 221 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,782 But actually, man, the crazies I want to spy on 222 00:09:02,859 --> 00:09:04,701 are my kids. 223 00:09:04,777 --> 00:09:06,244 Oh, I can dig that. 224 00:09:06,321 --> 00:09:07,704 I've got some crazies of my own. 225 00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:09,414 Check this out over here. What's that, man? 226 00:09:09,424 --> 00:09:11,249 I got this little teddy bear. 227 00:09:11,326 --> 00:09:15,420 We call it Tattle Tale Teddy Bear, you know what I'm saying? 228 00:09:15,496 --> 00:09:18,923 He even come with a squealing seal, and he's rigged for sound. 229 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,049 What? 230 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,010 Peekaboo. (chuckling) 231 00:09:22,086 --> 00:09:24,771 (music playing) 232 00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,765 Okay. Phew. 233 00:09:27,842 --> 00:09:29,267 Okay. 234 00:09:29,344 --> 00:09:31,603 All right, let's see what you got, 235 00:09:31,679 --> 00:09:33,813 'cause Bernie Mac is bringing his A-game, baby. 236 00:09:33,890 --> 00:09:36,408 Shoot, you don't know who you're messing with. 237 00:09:43,191 --> 00:09:44,198 What the...? 238 00:09:44,275 --> 00:09:46,376 Something wrong with that boy. 239 00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:50,714 (music playing) 240 00:09:56,704 --> 00:09:58,054 WANDA: Bernie? 241 00:09:59,874 --> 00:10:01,883 I ain't doing nothing. Watching TV. 242 00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:04,969 I fell asleep a little bit, though. (clears throat) 243 00:10:05,046 --> 00:10:06,387 You-you here kind of early, baby. 244 00:10:06,464 --> 00:10:08,139 I've been here for a while, actually. 245 00:10:08,216 --> 00:10:09,807 I was talking to Vanessa. 246 00:10:09,884 --> 00:10:12,101 Really? What's wrong? 247 00:10:12,178 --> 00:10:15,739 You know, she is really upset that you read her diary. 248 00:10:15,815 --> 00:10:17,649 Baby, I don't care nothing about that. 249 00:10:17,725 --> 00:10:20,818 Nessa's a child, and as long as she's living under our roof, 250 00:10:20,895 --> 00:10:22,654 we got the right to know what's going on. 251 00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:24,614 Then you need to find another way to reach her. 252 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,532 Well, you know what? You're absolutely right. 253 00:10:26,609 --> 00:10:29,786 And I'm working on that as we speak. 254 00:10:29,862 --> 00:10:31,245 Really? 255 00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:32,497 Really. 256 00:10:32,573 --> 00:10:34,957 Hmm. Well, that was easy. 257 00:10:35,034 --> 00:10:37,210 I had a whole speech planned and everything. 258 00:10:37,286 --> 00:10:39,837 Well, no speech necessary, baby. 259 00:10:39,914 --> 00:10:41,848 Fine. Well, carry on. 260 00:10:48,214 --> 00:10:49,514 Oh, no. 261 00:10:49,590 --> 00:10:51,099 It's bear season! 262 00:10:51,175 --> 00:10:53,351 Don't you do it! Don't do it, boy! 263 00:10:53,428 --> 00:10:54,694 Don't you--! 264 00:10:56,222 --> 00:10:57,947 Teddy. 265 00:11:07,275 --> 00:11:08,658 Hey, baby, where's Nessa? 266 00:11:08,735 --> 00:11:10,368 Oh, her friends came by to go to the mall. 267 00:11:10,445 --> 00:11:11,869 Her friends were over here? 268 00:11:11,946 --> 00:11:13,204 Yeah. In my house? 269 00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,455 Mm-hm. 270 00:11:14,532 --> 00:11:16,207 (up-tempo music playing) 271 00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:18,543 Let me ask you something, America. 272 00:11:18,619 --> 00:11:20,962 How in the hell am I supposed to keep tabs on that girl 273 00:11:21,038 --> 00:11:23,297 and she won't stand still for the camera? 274 00:11:23,374 --> 00:11:26,968 I mean, sneaking off to the mall while I'm looking the other way? 275 00:11:27,044 --> 00:11:31,222 See, kids today are devious, crafty, insidious. 276 00:11:31,299 --> 00:11:33,182 Well, guess what, America? 277 00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:34,609 So is Bernie Mac. 278 00:11:34,686 --> 00:11:38,780 This ain't over. This is far from over, baby. 279 00:11:38,857 --> 00:11:42,150 You want to play rough? Well, I'll show you how rough I am. 280 00:11:42,226 --> 00:11:43,493 Yeah. 281 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:50,291 Did anybody see you? 282 00:11:50,368 --> 00:11:51,701 Look, man, just throw it in the water. 283 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,461 I got another customer. 284 00:11:53,538 --> 00:11:55,455 Look, I need another nanny cam, quick. 285 00:11:55,465 --> 00:11:57,290 Man, whatever happened to Tattle Tale Teddy? 286 00:11:57,366 --> 00:11:59,067 He got shot. What?! 287 00:11:59,010 --> 00:12:02,003 Man, listen, I need something a little bit more inconspicuous. 288 00:12:02,079 --> 00:12:03,546 Hmm. 289 00:12:03,623 --> 00:12:06,090 Oh, okay, try this on. 290 00:12:06,167 --> 00:12:07,726 A smoke detector? 291 00:12:07,802 --> 00:12:10,186 Nah, that's the eye in the sky, baby. 292 00:12:12,223 --> 00:12:15,183 Oh, man, that's nice. 293 00:12:15,259 --> 00:12:17,861 But what if they go in another room, though? 294 00:12:21,316 --> 00:12:22,857 (laughs) 295 00:12:22,868 --> 00:12:24,075 Give me seven. 296 00:12:24,619 --> 00:12:27,162 (upbeat music playing) 297 00:12:29,982 --> 00:12:31,474 Look-look at her. 298 00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:33,376 That's why she's getting so doggone fat. 299 00:12:33,453 --> 00:12:35,211 Look at her eating. 300 00:12:41,118 --> 00:12:43,419 Yeah, right. 301 00:12:43,496 --> 00:12:45,838 Wanda, trying to play she's busy. 302 00:12:45,849 --> 00:12:47,724 (sighs) 303 00:12:50,711 --> 00:12:52,970 Must be some kind of syndrome or something. 304 00:12:53,047 --> 00:12:55,181 Tourette's maybe. 305 00:12:55,258 --> 00:12:57,016 (Jordan grunts) 306 00:12:57,093 --> 00:12:59,769 I'm thinking I'm letting my worries get the best of me. 307 00:12:59,846 --> 00:13:01,854 I'm putting cameras in all the doggone rooms 308 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,648 and spying on my own kids. 309 00:13:03,724 --> 00:13:05,817 I feel like Nixon. 310 00:13:05,893 --> 00:13:08,069 I saw my boy change this morning. 311 00:13:08,145 --> 00:13:10,238 I got to feed him. 312 00:13:10,314 --> 00:13:12,665 He look like one of them Ethiopian babies. 313 00:13:13,776 --> 00:13:16,911 Oh, hell, no! 314 00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,922 Now hold up. I know you ain't wearing that. 315 00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:20,423 Who the hell you think you are? 316 00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:22,083 You ain't no Lil' Kim. 317 00:13:22,159 --> 00:13:24,252 Oh, okay. 318 00:13:24,328 --> 00:13:26,170 It's like that. 319 00:13:26,247 --> 00:13:28,089 Okay, yeah, diabolical. 320 00:13:28,165 --> 00:13:31,092 Yeah, and I'm sitting up here almost feeling bad for nothing. 321 00:13:31,168 --> 00:13:33,728 Okay. Okay. Yeah. 322 00:13:35,482 --> 00:13:37,557 Hey, hey, hey, where you all going? 323 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,433 I'm gonna drop Vanessa off at the mall. 324 00:13:39,510 --> 00:13:40,935 Would you like me to get you something while I'm out? 325 00:13:40,946 --> 00:13:42,520 No, I don't... I don't need anything. 326 00:13:42,597 --> 00:13:43,896 Hey, hey, hold on. 327 00:13:43,907 --> 00:13:45,606 Girl, you going to burn up in that. 328 00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:47,608 You need to take that off. Oh, I get cold. 329 00:13:47,619 --> 00:13:49,694 No, no, no, no, no, no. Why don't you take that off? 330 00:13:49,770 --> 00:13:50,945 Why don't you take it off? Why? 331 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:53,781 Because I said take it off. Bernie. 332 00:13:53,858 --> 00:13:55,616 I told her to take it off, baby. 333 00:13:55,693 --> 00:13:57,126 Now I want it off. Take it off. 334 00:13:59,697 --> 00:14:01,923 Ooh. What the...? 335 00:14:04,469 --> 00:14:07,461 Were you going to have me drop you off at the mall dressed like that? 336 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:10,223 Yeah. I don't think so. Room. 337 00:14:11,083 --> 00:14:12,851 (music playing) 338 00:14:15,504 --> 00:14:16,637 (music playing) 339 00:14:16,714 --> 00:14:19,140 It's a brave new world, America. 340 00:14:19,216 --> 00:14:21,767 A brave new world. 341 00:14:21,844 --> 00:14:23,519 I highly recommend it. 342 00:14:23,596 --> 00:14:26,364 (The Dramatics: "Whatcha See Is Whatcha Get") 343 00:14:28,351 --> 00:14:31,569 ♪ You know some people ♪ 344 00:14:31,646 --> 00:14:33,872 ♪ Are made of lies ♪ 345 00:14:35,524 --> 00:14:37,825 ♪ To bring you down ♪ 346 00:14:37,902 --> 00:14:39,961 ♪ And shame your name ♪ 347 00:14:41,822 --> 00:14:43,706 ♪ But baby ♪ 348 00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:46,676 ♪ I have good intentions ♪ 349 00:14:48,463 --> 00:14:50,421 ♪ 'Cause breaking hearts ♪ 350 00:14:50,498 --> 00:14:52,131 ♪ Just ain't my game ♪ 351 00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:54,926 ♪ Breakin' hearts ain't my game ♪ 352 00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:59,063 ♪ All I want to do is love you ♪ 353 00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:04,685 ♪ And sugar I won't pin you with regret... ♪ 354 00:15:04,762 --> 00:15:06,062 Thank you, baby. 355 00:15:06,138 --> 00:15:07,897 That was an excellent dinner. 356 00:15:07,974 --> 00:15:09,148 Don't you want to tell Aunt Wanda 357 00:15:09,225 --> 00:15:10,909 how excellent that dinner was? 358 00:15:11,536 --> 00:15:13,486 But guess what? 359 00:15:13,562 --> 00:15:17,114 We're going to cap it off with some delicious chocolate fudge cake. 360 00:15:17,191 --> 00:15:18,866 I want some chocolate fudge cake. 361 00:15:18,943 --> 00:15:21,118 You do? You're not getting any. 362 00:15:21,195 --> 00:15:22,620 Why not? 363 00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,205 'Cause you're going to spend the rest of your time 364 00:15:24,281 --> 00:15:25,873 in your room thinking about how much you miss these. 365 00:15:25,950 --> 00:15:28,250 My nunchucks! Look at them and say it again. 366 00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:31,754 Oh, my nunchucks. Yeah. How many times 367 00:15:31,831 --> 00:15:33,547 I told you about ordering from that ninja catalog? 368 00:15:33,558 --> 00:15:35,549 But you confiscated half my arsenal. 369 00:15:35,626 --> 00:15:38,177 And guess what else? I found your little hiding space. 370 00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:42,056 Yeah. Yeah, and I confiscated all the rest of your fireworks. 371 00:15:42,133 --> 00:15:44,225 I even gave a call to Christopher's daddy 372 00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:46,727 and let him know where he's getting his fair share. 373 00:15:46,804 --> 00:15:48,229 Yeah. Oh, I'm a dead man. 374 00:15:48,305 --> 00:15:51,065 Yeah. (chuckling) No, no, hold on, baby. 375 00:15:51,142 --> 00:15:53,234 Here, why don't you take a piece of these? 376 00:15:53,310 --> 00:15:54,827 Yum-yum. 377 00:15:54,904 --> 00:15:56,746 Who else want cake? 378 00:15:58,733 --> 00:16:00,041 Yeah. 379 00:16:00,118 --> 00:16:02,576 Can I have a cookie with my cake? 380 00:16:02,653 --> 00:16:03,953 No, you ain't having no cookies. 381 00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:06,122 How many times do I have to tell you, Baby Girl? 382 00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:07,289 You ain't getting no more cookies. 383 00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:08,174 You got a habit. 384 00:16:10,369 --> 00:16:12,253 Yeah. 385 00:16:12,329 --> 00:16:13,721 How do you know this? 386 00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:15,381 'Cause I keep a close eye on all of them. 387 00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:18,759 That's right. Peekaboo. 388 00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,436 Yeah. (door slams) 389 00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:25,016 (laughs) Yeah. 390 00:16:25,092 --> 00:16:28,853 Yes, sir. Bernie Mac's putting the brother in Big Brother. 391 00:16:28,929 --> 00:16:31,939 I should have done this from the moment the kids stepped into our house. 392 00:16:32,016 --> 00:16:35,118 That's what I should have did, ya'll. 393 00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:38,320 (muttering) Look at them. Look. 394 00:16:38,397 --> 00:16:39,622 Look at her. 395 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,657 If you cut her, she'll bleed batter. 396 00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:42,992 He took everything. 397 00:16:43,069 --> 00:16:45,119 All he left was this stupid rope. 398 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:46,954 You know, I-I can't stand it. 399 00:16:47,031 --> 00:16:49,123 He's always dipping into my business, 400 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,043 and he won't even let me go out with my friends on Saturday. 401 00:16:52,119 --> 00:16:54,045 He's going to take us bowling. 402 00:16:54,121 --> 00:16:55,963 VANESSA: Oh, great, so we can watch him bowl 403 00:16:56,040 --> 00:17:00,092 in those stupid alligator shoes and that stupid silk shirt 404 00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:03,471 and the tricked-out ball that says "Bernie Mac" on it? 405 00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:06,599 You know, last time he only bowled an 82. 406 00:17:06,675 --> 00:17:09,027 (all laughing) 407 00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,856 America, I'm just a beginner. 408 00:17:13,933 --> 00:17:16,984 A beginner! What's wrong with my gators? 409 00:17:17,061 --> 00:17:19,871 You believe them? Disrespecting me in my own house? 410 00:17:19,947 --> 00:17:22,073 They're lucky I can't say anything, 411 00:17:22,149 --> 00:17:24,241 but the next time they do something wrong, 412 00:17:24,318 --> 00:17:26,702 this gets factored in, I'm telling you. 413 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:27,895 Look at... listen to them, look at that. 414 00:17:27,972 --> 00:17:30,414 (kids laughing) Hee-hee. 415 00:17:30,491 --> 00:17:32,717 Yeah. Yeah, okay. 416 00:17:32,794 --> 00:17:35,127 Hey, I broke 100 today. 417 00:17:35,204 --> 00:17:37,180 Oh, is that good? Yeah, for me. 418 00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:40,299 Oh, hey, Cheryl. Hi, Bernie. 419 00:17:40,376 --> 00:17:41,759 So, you went bowling? 420 00:17:41,836 --> 00:17:43,135 No, I've been bungee-jumping. 421 00:17:43,212 --> 00:17:44,845 So, how are the kids? Where everybody at? 422 00:17:44,922 --> 00:17:46,689 Uh, I don't know. I've been in here with Cheryl. 423 00:17:46,766 --> 00:17:49,484 Hmm. (exhales) 424 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,726 Okay, honey. 425 00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:52,561 Okay, honey. Okay. 426 00:17:52,638 --> 00:17:56,032 (music playing) 427 00:17:58,402 --> 00:17:59,535 Okay. 428 00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:05,875 There he is. 429 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:11,872 Where did that boy go? 430 00:18:11,949 --> 00:18:13,382 Where...? 431 00:18:16,453 --> 00:18:17,970 Where did he go? 432 00:18:18,622 --> 00:18:19,722 Okay. 433 00:18:19,799 --> 00:18:21,966 (laughter) Got you. 434 00:18:22,042 --> 00:18:23,926 Aunt Wanda, is Drano flammable? 435 00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,512 Uh, I don't know, but, hey, you're not gonna find out. 436 00:18:26,589 --> 00:18:27,897 Let him find out. 437 00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,225 Oh, that bracelet is gorgeous. 438 00:18:31,302 --> 00:18:32,768 Oh, isn't it? 439 00:18:32,845 --> 00:18:34,228 Bernie's so thoughtful. 440 00:18:34,239 --> 00:18:35,896 CHERYL: And he has terrific taste. 441 00:18:35,973 --> 00:18:38,199 Actually, I've got terrific taste. 442 00:18:38,276 --> 00:18:41,152 You won't believe what he really bought me. 443 00:18:41,228 --> 00:18:42,903 (laughter) 444 00:18:42,980 --> 00:18:45,197 I thought it would grow on me, 445 00:18:45,274 --> 00:18:48,376 but a day later, it didn't, so voila! 446 00:18:48,452 --> 00:18:49,535 He's not gonna know? 447 00:18:49,612 --> 00:18:50,911 No, he never knows. 448 00:18:50,922 --> 00:18:53,381 I just wanted to spy on my kids 449 00:18:53,457 --> 00:18:55,466 without getting my feelings hurt. 450 00:18:57,661 --> 00:18:59,712 Is that too much to ask? 451 00:18:59,788 --> 00:19:00,880 Good morning. 452 00:19:00,956 --> 00:19:02,265 Good morning... 453 00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:04,675 Mmm, honey, those eggs smell delicious. 454 00:19:04,752 --> 00:19:06,760 Oh, you're just saying that. 455 00:19:06,771 --> 00:19:07,970 Uncle Bernie, are you still going 456 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:09,513 to take us bowling on Saturday? 457 00:19:09,590 --> 00:19:11,524 Don't sass me, Jordan. Honey, he didn't sass you. 458 00:19:11,601 --> 00:19:13,276 He just asked if you would take him bowling. 459 00:19:13,352 --> 00:19:16,395 Yeah, and maybe I could use your really cool ball. 460 00:19:16,472 --> 00:19:18,814 And maybe when he gets as good as you, 461 00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:20,441 he can get a ball with his name on it. 462 00:19:20,517 --> 00:19:22,109 Oh, that's so cute. 463 00:19:22,186 --> 00:19:24,328 They want to be just like their Uncle Bernie. 464 00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,790 Oh, hell, no! I'll be damned 465 00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,783 if I'm gonna let them mock me in my own house. 466 00:19:29,860 --> 00:19:32,295 My own table! My own face! 467 00:19:33,489 --> 00:19:36,424 (music playing) 468 00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:42,671 You did what? 469 00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:44,965 In every doggone room. 470 00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:46,508 You little ingrates don't try to play 471 00:19:46,585 --> 00:19:48,311 like you're so innocent because I know everything. 472 00:19:49,713 --> 00:19:51,564 You've been watching me undress? 473 00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:53,090 Of course not. 474 00:19:53,067 --> 00:19:56,393 Watching old tiny dancer over there, though. 475 00:19:56,470 --> 00:19:59,188 Bernie, that's awful. Yeah, just like the bracelet, right, baby? 476 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:01,607 You spied on me, too? Not intentionally, but if you think 477 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,744 I'm going to buy you any more jewelry, you must be cwazy. 478 00:20:11,235 --> 00:20:13,494 Nobody's talking to me, America, 479 00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:16,830 but they're sure talking about me. 480 00:20:16,907 --> 00:20:18,582 I love my family. 481 00:20:18,659 --> 00:20:21,252 I'm just trying to protect them from themselves. 482 00:20:21,328 --> 00:20:23,003 But I don't want to know everything 483 00:20:23,080 --> 00:20:25,013 that goes on in our house no more. 484 00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:28,092 'Cause words hurt Bernie Mac just like they do you, America. 485 00:20:28,168 --> 00:20:29,718 Just like they do you. 486 00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:33,773 (music playing) 487 00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:38,727 Can't be no big brother no more. 488 00:20:38,804 --> 00:20:41,522 (quiet chatter on monitor) 489 00:20:41,598 --> 00:20:43,157 I don't want to, either. 490 00:20:44,768 --> 00:20:47,236 ♪ What you see see ♪ ♪ What you see see ♪ 491 00:20:47,313 --> 00:20:50,698 ♪ Is What you get ♪ ♪ Is what you get ♪ 492 00:20:50,774 --> 00:20:53,492 ♪ What you see see ♪ ♪ What you see see ♪ 493 00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:56,203 ♪ Is what you get ♪ ♪ Is what you get ♪ 494 00:20:56,280 --> 00:20:59,873 ♪ I said what you see ♪ ♪ What you see ♪ 495 00:20:59,884 --> 00:21:01,676 ♪ Is what you get, now baby ♪ 496 00:21:01,752 --> 00:21:03,502 ♪ Is what you get... ♪ 497 00:21:03,579 --> 00:21:05,504 (laughs) 498 00:21:05,581 --> 00:21:08,132 I didn't say I wasn't going to be a parent. 499 00:21:08,208 --> 00:21:09,591 The fact is, 500 00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:12,052 I trust them a whole lot more with me in there. 501 00:21:12,129 --> 00:21:15,231 (music playing) 502 00:21:15,900 --> 00:21:17,650 Yeah. 503 00:21:22,431 --> 00:21:24,857 This is it. Let it be yours. 504 00:21:24,933 --> 00:21:26,233 Thanks, man. 505 00:21:26,310 --> 00:21:27,526 You're cool. I like you, man. 506 00:21:27,603 --> 00:21:29,445 You look like Snoop. You think so? 507 00:21:29,521 --> 00:21:31,739 You look better-looking, though. I get that all the time. 508 00:21:31,815 --> 00:21:33,165 That's yours, on the house. Go on and have that. 509 00:21:33,242 --> 00:21:34,867 Come on. Yes, sir. 510 00:21:34,943 --> 00:21:36,744 Then bum me up. Oh, you want a hit some of that? 511 00:21:36,820 --> 00:21:38,537 Yeah, squeeze play. Mmm. 512 00:21:38,614 --> 00:21:40,464 Man, you cheap with it, though. 513 00:21:44,503 --> 00:21:47,763 Nice... real nice. Yes, sir. 514 00:21:49,083 --> 00:21:50,808 (crew laughing) 515 00:21:55,839 --> 00:21:56,772 Captioned by Visual Data